Here's an annual message in a bottle: it's time to set goals for next year!
I'm not the goal-setting type.
I prefer to wing it. That's my strength. When it comes to setting goals, I'm a wingnut.
Goals seem too limiting. Or too ambitious. Or both. Or neither. In any case, they remind me of the Five Year Plans of the USSR. (And how did that work out for the Soviets?)
For most of my life, I didn't set goals. A professional colleague once asked me why: "Everywhere I have ever worked, there was a goal on the wall. Why is there no ambitious goal on the wall?"
Because I disdained goals. They felt like the first step in a prolonged game of Blame 'n' Shame. (Ever play Blame 'n' Shame? Bet I can beat you.) I would imagine, 12 months later, scolding myself like a bad dog.
Didn't meet your goals.
And on the carpet, no less.
So, for most of my life, I didn't set goals.
I prefer improvisation. Live right. Just keep the intention clear.
Oh, wait: "intention." That's a helpful word here. What is my intention? What do I intend to accomplish this year?
Even an improviser needs goals. Not high-falutin' conceptual goals. Just a few goals — a few things I'd like to get done around here.
Don't like goals?
Don't want to set goals?
Fair enough. So don't set any goals.
But -- and now here is the Curse Of The Cat People -- if you don't set any goals, don't be surprised if you don't achieve them.
So there. At the bottom of this post is a handy worksheet for setting goals for next year. (Oh, what the heck, here it is right now: tinyurl.com/2017GoalSetting.)
But wait! Before setting goals, here are two thoughts to consider.
Thought #1: The Paradoxical Theory of Change
At the Gestalt Center of Cleveland -- and nothing says "Gestalt" quite so much as "Cleveland" -- I learned about the Paradoxical Theory of Change.
Here's how I remember it.
The paradox is that we can only become more like ourselves. We can't change to become something that is not authentically us. We do, of course, continue to learn, grow, and evolve. But the only willful change that is sustainable is change that makes each of us more authentic. (I acknowledge that there is a bit of tautological ipso facto-ness to this, but stay with me here.)
Perhaps this is why so many new year's resolutions are abandoned by March. Any of us can subvert our true selves for a month or two. But by March, the false intentions from New Year's Day are out the window. (The intention was true, but in a unsustainably false direction.)
So set goals that would make you more like your true self.
Implications for New Year's Resolutions
The gymnasiums and fitness centers are packed during January and February -- and predictably empty by Spring. What happened? It's more than the change of seasons. It's the revealing of us for who we truly are -- and only what we can truly become.
I, for one, am not drawn to exercise. Exercise happens during hiking, walking, and restless moments on the treadmill, but I'm not drawn to exercise as an activity. I wish I were. But I am not. (I'd rather write. I don't have a dog. I'd rather take you for a walk.)
Someday, perhaps, I will fall in love with exercise. (I know I will welcome a variety of emails from readers of Net Cotton Content on how to do so.)
For example, here are two resolutions (or goal-ish statements) I cannot keep. They aren't authentic.
- I resolve to be a Buddhist in 2017. Fiddlesticks. Isn't going to happen. I don't know much about Buddhism, but I know this: I'll have to work on detaching myself from life, you, and ice cream. I understand detachment and admire its practitioners. But the paradoxical theory of change teaches me that I can't simply claim to adopt Buddhism. I am hopelessly attached to this world, to this life, to those I love, to each day and each moment, to each passing thought. To every cookie, to every cup of coffee. I don't want to be detached. Detachment has its advantages (no sadness, no anxiety, no taxes), but detachment is not authentically me. So I resolve to study detachment, but I am not resolved to becoming detached.
- I resolve to not be sexist, racist, ageist, and other 'ists during 2017. Poppycock. Isn't going to happen. I can't help but see all the differences among people. And what I sense influences my behavior. Differences among people naturally, authentically fascinates me, even if it isn't any of my business. But these 'isms are more than my seeing differences. The 'isms are the systemic result of my benefiting from my status. This isn't about guilt. This is about reality. I have all those 'ists, which lead to my implicit assumptions, not because I wake up every morning with a desire to stomp around in my White Middle-Aged Educated Affluent Male Privilege. But I do wake up every morning coated in WMAEAMP and I have to admit: the systemic rewards are intoxicating. I'm not happy about this. I'm just happy. (Read George Yancy's piece from Christmas Eve 2015 on The New York Times website. It's a piece called "Dear White America:" http://tinyurl.com/DearWhiteAmerica.) So I'm resolved to study my authentic prejudice -- and better identify, understand and counteract my implicit assumptions -- but not to become inauthentically blind to the differences among people and the systemic benefits that come my way every day.
The above paragraph seems buried in this post. But I think it is the most important point.
Now, back to Goal Setting.
Here's a resolution I can keep. (Read the fine print.)
- I'm going to exercise every day during 2017. Until March.
Those, then, are my resolutions. They aren't the easy ones. They are resolutions in contrast to my authentic self. (Gamblers out there might bet against my resolutions.)
Time to develop goals for 2017? Not yet. First, this second thought...
Thought #2: Think Minimally
A very smart fellow I know -- a Vistage member who has allowed me to share this here -- asked a question of his peer group: "What is the minimum I need to do to be a CEO?"
Everyone laughed. The fellow is an engineer and, like the best engineers, his embrace of his Inner Robot is always both charming and persuasive. (I always like peer groups to have a mix of engineers and English majors. Then I stand back and watch the design of metaphor.)
Anyway, everyone laughed. The very idea of it! What is the minimum one needs to do to be a CEO?!
But, wait, the fellow added. "This isn't so I can be lazy. This is so I can identify the essential tasks that I cannot delegate. If I'm doing anything that isn't on the List of Things Only I Must Do, I have to ask myself why haven't I delegated it. And, conversely, if I am not doing something on the List Of Things Only I Must Do, am I being reckless with my duties?"
Powerful thought. Now let's extend it: What is the minimum I need to do to be...
- ...an effective CEO?
- ...a beloved spouse?
- ...an inspiring parent?
- ...an attentive sibling?
- ...a neighborly, uh, neighbor?
- ...an engaged citizen who is actively building this civilization?
- ...[and so on.]
So here's a how to set goals.
Right now, imagine it's December 2017.
We are sitting for a cup of tea and chatting.
You say: "Holy Topeka, it sure is warm out. Will it ever snow?"
I say: "Say, how was your year?"
You say: "It was great."
I say: "Oh, yeah? That's super duper. But let me ask this: how do you know? What happened that makes you so happy about 2017?"
What do you say? How would you know it was a great year?
Make a list right now of the ways you would know if 2017 was a great year.
Now look at that list and translate each item into a goal:
- Keep it to no more than four goals. Keep it to four, so you maximize the probability that you achieve them all. (Covey taught that, the more goals you have, the less likely you will accomplish them. And if you have too many, you won't reach any of them.)
- Let them percolate. Are these truly your highest ambitions? Do other goals arise to win a spot on the list? Keep it to four.
- Make them SMARTY goals:
Everyone talks about SMART goals. I like 'em SMARTY:
- S — Specific and Savvy
- M — Measurable and Meaningful
- A — Attainable and Ambitious and Actionable
- R — Realistic and Relevant
- T — Timely and Time-allocated
- Y — Yours. I added this one, because you want goals that you can attain without relying on someone else's success, so you never blame the failure to meet your goal on others. (Good example of a bad goal: get my kid into college. It's important and noble, but it relies on the kid, doesn't it? This is your goal, wingnut, not the kid's.)
- Business: All groups at 14+ members. This benefits members, who want a vigorous conversation even when attendance is low. (Stretch Goal: Add a Vistage group for spouses of CEOs/Entrepreneurs/Business Owners.)
- Leadership: A new board position. I am a trustee at the Drexel Theatre. With its recent sale, the Katzinger's board disbanded, so I would like to join another company board: to help the company and advance my learning. (Stretch Goal: Generate 6+ members for other Chairs groups in Ohio.)
- Family: Finish the book with Matt. Working title: New Competencies. (Stretch Goal: Book published online.)
- Personal: A relationship with a hospice patient. I am trained (and re-trained), but I haven't had my own patient yet. It's time. (Stretch Goal: Audit Introduction to Addiction Studies at Columbus State Community College.)
I think I can achieve all of these.
Still don't know what your goals might be?
Here are some suggestions. Take what you want. Replace the others.
- Get certified as a Hospice Volunteer. Be someone's last new friend. Here's where: whv.org/Healthcare/Zusman-Hospice
- Learn enough Spanish to chat poorly. I took classes at Columbus State a few years ago and found them extraordinarily well taught. Here you go: http://goo.gl/TknaLY
- Read eight books from your tenth grade English class. You are finally ready to understand why they were assigned! Start here: https://goo.gl/Lq4Khy
- Cut your debt by __%. Fill in the blank. Fill in the bank. Here are some debt-cutting ideas: http://goo.gl/REa8AV
C'mon. You can do it.
Sit! Set some goals. Good doggie!
And, now, let us plan.
Here's a tool that we use in my Vistage groups. Here's a suggestion. Print several copies. Complete it once. A few days later, start fresh -- not revising, but starting over. Do that a few times. You'll be surprised how ideas develop. You'll develop the important parts.
Go for it: tinyurl.com/2017GoalSetting.
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